Bearing a grudge – K’doshim
The Torah insists that one should not take vengeance or bear a grudge (Lev. 19:18).
Rabbi David Hoffmann, a great German Jewish leader, says that in this verse the Torah is speaking about two types of vengeance, immediate and long-term.
Immediate vengeance is n’kimah; n’tirah is nursing a grudge in one’s heart and being bitter against the other person for years on end.
In both cases the Torah is not saying that we should blithely forgive and forget, but we must understand that people (including ourselves) sometimes allow their circumstances to erupt in harmful words and deeds.
If we are the ones who got hurt we have to be able to see that it wasn’t necessarily malice but internal pressures that led to what was said or done.
