Q. My daughter is marrying a non-Jew in a civil ceremony. She knows how we feel about intermarriage and though we think the boy is a lovely person we cannot approve of the marriage. Should we go to the ceremony?
A. My advice is not to go. To be there would be a public statement of support for the event. Explain as calmly as you can that you have decided not to come, but that this does not alter or affect your love for your child. Make it clear that she will always be welcome in your home.
The question will be whether to welcome your future son-in-law when your daughter comes to visit. There are many points of view, but my feeling is in favour of the son-in-law not being excluded. Not because he might one day decide to become Jewish, though this should always be borne in mind, but because you cannot pretend he doesn’t exist or that he isn’t your daughter’s husband.