A contemporary tale from Rabbi Apple delivered in the spirit of Purim… (Originally published in March 2003.)
1. And it came to pass in the days of Burning Bush – he was Burning Bush who ruled from the East Coast to the West Coast, fifty provinces – in those days, when Chief Burning Bush was seated on the oval throne as head of the tribes of Amri-Kah in the Camp of Day-Video, that all the princes and warriors were in attendance before him, from the highest to the lowest.
2. And he commanded that the book or records of the chronicles be brought and they were read before the great chief.
3. And it was found written that fire balls and flame-throwing sticks in abundance were stored in secret places in a land across the seas by a chief whose name was Sad-Man In-Sane.
4. And Chief Burning Bush feared a great fear and he commanded the medicine men whose names were Tel-Ko and Faxim-Illy to send secret signals to the steadfast allies of Amri-Kah, Chief Toe-Knee of the tribe of Angle-Land and Chief How-Hard of the tribe of Oz.
5. And Chief Toe-Knee and Chief How-Hard said unto Chief Burning Bush, “Lo, Chief Sad-Man In-Sane is not a man of love, and our trusted messengers must urge him to beat his swords into ploughshares, his spears into pruning hooks, his fire balls into lemons and his flame-throwers into palm-trees.”
6. And Chief Burning Bush said unto them, “Have we not all one Father? Are we not brethren (and sistren too, for lo! We must all be politically correct)? If he laughs a great laugh at our messengers, shall not our warriors step forward and fight nobly to remove him from his seat of power and hang him (if they can catch him) upon the gallows?”
7. And the chiefs of the tribes of the Franks and the Ger-Men heard the words of the chiefs of Amri-Kah, Angle-Land and Oz, but these said with one voice, “Hasten not. Wait upon the Benighted Nations!”
8. And Chief Burning Bush and his princes and warriors cried a great cry and they said unto the chief of the Franks, “How long, O lord? How long shall we wait?”
9. And to the chief of the Ger-Men they also said, “How long, O lord? How long shall we wait?”
10. And the chiefs of Angle-Land and Oz said, “Ah – men!”
11. And that which followed (Editor’s note: not yet known at press time), is it not recorded in the books of the chronicles of I-Ran (Away) and I-Rack (and Ruin) and in the laws of the Medes and the Persians?